HOW I WILL MEET TOM HANKS

2 Jul

In 2013, Tom Hanks was cast in a Broadway show called “The Lucky Guy”. All of my friends phoned me, texted me, facebooked me asking me when I was planning to see it. I said “never. I can’t see him in actual life. There must always be a TV screen or a film screen between us” Now… I know this may sound weird. It sounds weird to me too but I refuse to meet Tom Hanks in a way that will be forgotten by him. IN an insignificant “You’re my favorite actor” bullshit way. Any other celebrity I can handle. Even Leonardo DiCaprio (my second favorite actor)… I could deal with it. It would be tough… but i could deal with it.

For those of you who don’t know, Tom Hanks has been my favorite actor since i was about 7 years old. When I was about 9 I started collecting his movies on VHS and then when I was about 15 I owned every single Tom Hanks movie ever made. Then when DiVinci code came out, I bought Bosom Buddies on DVD and stopped collecting them. Did I mature? Or was the switch to DVD too overwhelming? Who knows.

Now, allow me to clear something up for you… I am not IN LOVE with Tom Hanks. This is not a romantic thing. He is a father figure to me. A fun uncle who happens to be the best actor in the world.

Here are my favorite performances of his: CLICK HERE

(Since that list was made, I would add the last 15 minutes of Captain Philips where he taught people how to act.)

I’ve met several fantastic actors in some fantastic ways. Paul Rudd would DEFINITELY remember my story: CLICK HERE

George Clooney spoke with me for 25 minutes about screenwriting:389598_10150909230941902_1534375399_n

Yes, those are butterfly clips. Yes I have regrets.

And Sara Bareilles almost got my vomit on her, but I held it in well: CLICK HERE

I get it. They’re regular people. I get that. That gets me through meeting most celebrities that I admire. But it’s different with Hanks. It’s just different.

The point is… when I meet Tom, it must happen in one of the following ways:

1. He’s in the audience of a play I wrote.

2. He and I are about to collaborate on a project.

3. He makes my dying wish come true.

That’s it. Any other way is unacceptable to me. Don’t forget what happens when Stan sees Wendy:

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