WHY AREN’T THEY TEXTING ME BACK??!?!?!?!?!?!

16 Jan

What I’ve learned on my summer vacation so far in 2013 is that my generation relies so much on Social Media and texting to feel secure within their day to day cultivation of relationships.

“I sent you a text two hours ago, why haven’t you responded?”

“I just sent you a Facebook chat… are you going to write back?”

“I tagged you in my status, why haven’t you commented?”

What ever happened to the days where you stuck your fingers in the holes of the phone and swung that shit around when you wanted to communicate with someone? When you strapped a letter to the saddle of a horse, slapped its butt and watched it ride on? Today instant gratification is everywhere we turn and I think we’ve become way too dependent on it. Having the ability to text someone makes it so that we feel less obligated to “STICK TO THE PLAN“. What happened in the days of yore when you were running late to meet someone? You know what? Back then… you WEREN’T LATE!!! If you had no way to get in touch with someone because cell phones did not exist, you didn’t take TIME for granted. You made sure you were where you needed to be and ON TIME so that the person you were meeting didn’t have to wait. Shooting a text of “Running 15 minutes late” now gives us an excuse to be flaky. And you know what else? I don’t like it.

I also don’t like that I sit at an office from 9-5 surfing Facebook from 10-4 and checking my phone from 12-12. I’m one of those people where when I get a Facebook comment, text message or email, I respond within minutes. Why? Because it’s the most interesting thing most likely happening to me in that moment. This makes it increasingly difficult for me to believe that other people can’t do the same. Wait, there are people out there who are actually too busy to answer a message seconds after it is sent? There are people enjoying themselves MORE than hearing from me?? UNKNOWABLE UNIVERSE!! I just happen to be in a position where, when my phone lights up, a rush of wonder overcomes me. Maybe I need a new job. (*Note, I am looking… so if you hear of anything…)

We like a good Gchat as well as Facebook and texting… it’s easy… there’s not a lot of distractions on the page and sometimes Facebook chat is a little wonky.  I don’t use Twitter that often (only to stalk certain ex cons who are striving for exoneration)…

gmaildown

But I also run a club where 150+ people rely on getting certain information from me and a boss who expects me to respond as soon as possible  so this has trained me to make getting back to people quickly a priority. I can’t even go into the subject of people with out a smart phone. To each their own. It then becomes a discussion of convenience vs. nuisance.  My biggest mistake was getting one, cause now it’s put me on THAT side of the table and my view on things is tainted. The time when all this OVER communication becomes a REAL problem is in your personal life. You know the people you, yourself don’t text back that often… being on that side of things is more comfortable…

*Excuse me a second, someone commented on my status, so i’ve got to go “like” their comment. BRB*

I’m back.

When you’re around my age (or younger) and you start dating someone, frequent text messages through out the day become a clear-cut sign that this person is interested in you. They are obviously thinking of you periodically and when they do, they reach out to you. It’s nice. It’s nice to hear from someone who you’re interested in. Of course there’s always the risk of TOO MUCH communication Back in the old days, they used to send a messenger on a horse with the letter of interest and it would take a weeks time to hear back. Fuck that sh*t. I wouldn’t survive in that time. My insecurities are thrilled to be a part of 2013.

Facebook chat is a relatively new form of instant gratification. So you go out on a date with someone, you share some hot cheese and bread and the next day you see him ONLINE via Facebook. Here is an example, according to someone of my generation, of a Facebook chat gone SUCCESSFULLY:

dategood

So, let’s talk about what went RIGHT above. The entire exchange is in between the span of 5 minutes, and look at how much was discussed! There’s great report, humor and interest vomiting itself all over the exchange. AND… a plan was made for the next date! There’s a clear connection here and it is the kind of Facebook exchange you can sit through with a smile on your face. It reassures me that things are “OKAY” and I can feel good about the next time I see Mr. Gonzalez. The same goes for texting. With out putting yourself out there, sending that initial text and keeping the exchange going, you might miss out on how AWESOME the above came to be. When there’s a good, rambunctious exchange, you feel like you’re king of the world.

Now, here is an example, according to someone of my generation, of a Facebook chat gone HORRIBLY AWRY:
baddate5

Oooh, Ouch. Am I right? Let’s take a look at a couple of the most OFFENSIVE parts of this exchange.
datebad2

I don’t even know where to begin. There are so many things that are just NOT the right way to go in the above. One is that clearly this person, we’ll call her Pamela Quinn Eberhardt, saw that Ariel had signed BACK online. She took it upon herself to comment on that fact. BIG NO-NO! What’s the dagger in the heart? The “Seen at 11:17am, at the bottom. He’s seen that post, is clearly choosing not to respond and Pam Quinn has to live with that. Let’s look at another…
datebad3

You want to know why Pam brought up AHS (which is INCREDIBLE, btw)… It’s because she saw THIS:
baddate4

Oh Pam… Pam. A few seconds after he posts a status update… you comment on it? Whilst you’re already Facebook messaging him? Pam… No. No, Pam. No.

The last thing I’d like us to focus on is the time stamp. The previous GOOD example was a five minute, flourishing conversation and this one was a total of 80  minutes. It took him 1hr to respond to the American Horror Story reach out. That’s 80  minutes of clear disinterest.

Now obviously everyone from my generation isn’t as “crazy” as the Pamela Quinn Eberhardt from the second exchange (Or the Pamela Quinn Eberhardt from actual life) but we’ve felt the ping of not hearing back from someone. We’ve felt the cold breath of “rejection” on our necks we’ve all seen the “read @…” and felt the twitch of our eye as it’s been hours since the ‘contact’ was first made. And to that I say “FUCK YOU TEXTING! FUCK YOU FACEBOOK! FUCK YOU TWITTER! FUCK YOU Like’s and comments, sharing and relationship status’s and ‘favoriting’ tweets and following someone on instagram and ‘dings’ and ‘beeps’ and ‘film noir ring tones’….

YOU’VE RUINED ME!

I think the ‘meaning’ behind speedy communication does VARY between generations. It means more to us (fluctuating on a scale between 4 and 10) But texting and Facebooking is just not THAT important to most in an older generation. Just because they’re not instantly communicating with you doesn’t mean they’re not interested in what’s being discussed. They just don’t necessarily have the time, when they’re busy, to make THAT kind of a communication a priority.  For us, it’s almost like a drug. When that Text, Gchat or Facebook exchange goes well… you chase it. When they’re few and far in between, you can’t help but think something’s gone wrong. And in our generation, I’ve experienced that most of the time… something HAS gone wrong. So we go with what we know. We’ve also been trained to pull away ourselves when we feel “the distance”. It helps weed out “gamers”.
From a friend: “i think if there’s a disclaimer (hey, I’m pretty busy this week so I may not be responding as much… don’t want you to read anything into it) its okay”
The fact that a disclaimer is even suggested….
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One Response to “WHY AREN’T THEY TEXTING ME BACK??!?!?!?!?!?!”

  1. Mark 2013 at : #

    wow. just amazing blog. Our generation is insane with speedy communication and I don’t think it’s going to change, for the better atleast. And this is coming from a guy who lives on Facebook

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