YOU LIVE, YOU LOVE, YOU LEARN

16 Jul

I was speaking with my “person” today and she was expressing her distress about a close friend of hers. She loves and adores this person and it wasn’t TOO long ago that she loved and adored this person MORE than a friend. Let’s call them Nina and Jared.

This affection Nina had for Jared lasted for over 10 years and went in and out of being intense to being something she “had to” get over. They tried dating, it didn’t work but they’ve always been friends. Jared’s a busy guy and he’s in high demand from his closest friends. He’s got about 5-6 BEST friends and then about 20 very close friends and then 125+ good friends. He’s a popular guy. Now, Nina’s also loved by many… she, however, never forgets or softens her love for Jared, despite how busy he always seems to be.

One of the most important things I learned through out my pathetic dating experience is that you can’t make giant proclamation to someone and expect that they are in the same place as you. The first time I ever said “I love you” to a man, my heart was broken immediately after. Now, I wasn’t naive enough to believe that he loved me the same way that I love him. I knew he cared for me and loved me in “his way”, but I expected more and might have gotten more had the girl he was ALSO seeing at the time not showed up crying in his hallway. He chose to comfort her as I went off to work that day, leaving the words that were so hard for me to muster in a ball on his floor. The thing I learned, after my sister talked me off the ledge, was that “Just because you make a proclamation to someone like ‘I Love You’ doesn’t mean that you should expect some giant proclamation in return.” The thing is YOU are making the choice to say and feel the things you feel. If you also make the choice to inform this person of your strong feelings, you can’t expect it to turn out the way you might want in your head. But you should be happy enough that the things were said and perhaps not weighing so heavy in your head and heart. And THAT should be enough. Allow them to live their life and do what they need to do, knowing that they do care about you.

What I hope my dear person learns from her current heart ache is that sometimes you have to let people go in order to heal properly. If you love them, let them go. You can’t put people on a pedestal, it’s not fair to you or them and you’ll NEVER get what you want in return if you idolize the idea of someone. If this was ACTUALLY the someone you loved, they would recognize what you see in them and realize how special you are in return for noticing the things about them they PRAY for people to notice. So you don’t fit into the “IDEA” of what THEY want. You CAN be the lucky one who stops falling for the idea, so when you wake up at the end of the day… you have the REAL thing.

My “Nina” is so incredible and I try every day to remind myself that I’m incredible too. Sure it gets harder and harder each time I break down my wall and trust someone only to get my heart broken once again. It absolutely gets hard to see any hope for myself after this continuously happens, but you know what… whomever she and I choose to love, choose to give our heart to, they do NOT define us at the end of the day. And most importantly they should get JUST as much of our thoughts, love and time as they are willing to give back. The best friendships and relationships come from communication and an even give and take. I know THAT much.

I don’t know about her, but I’m tired of giving and not getting much in return so there comes a point where you have to say “That’s it”.  i’m tired of putting myself out there and getting the rug pulled out from under me. Enough is enough. I have loved and I have lost and I have learned so much. My wall has gotten thicker and, perhaps so has my heart. But I do know one thing… I am getting better and better at not falling for the “idea” of someone. For not trying to convince myself that LESS is actually more. After everything I’ve been through… I still have hope and for that, I’m grateful for each heart break in a way.

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