O ye of little faith

26 Jun

I feel as if I’m constantly disappointed by people’s inability to communicate with me. I used to think that my expectations were too high for certain individuals in my life… but you know what? F*ck that. I’m not sorry that I’m the kind of friend that’s always challenging her friends. I always want you to do the best and be the best that you can be. To live up to your potential. That being said, if you’re not going to take the lead on something that will help drive your ambition into action, then I have no choice but to do it myself and give you a “role” in whatever project it is so that you can, at least, be using your creative muscles. Even though it might not be YOUR project.

I know a lot of my friends get turned off by the fact that I’m constantly pushing them to do whatever project it is that I’M working on… but the fact of the matter is, while each and every single one of my friends has a lot of dreams and a lot of passion for what they love, a lot of them don’t actually do anything about it. I’m not sorry that I’m someone who does something about what I love and am passionate about.

And then the ones that do create something and ask for help… don’t forget about me after a hiatus. Did you feel I was taking over? Did you feel that I was trying to steal the idea and make it MINE? Were you not happy with the way I went about things? How come you wouldn’t communicate this to me? Was it fear? Am I scary? Is it my gigantic hair?

I don’t come in a perfect package. I can’t do EVERYTHING exactly the way EVERYONE wants it done. But if it’s YOUR project that you’re working on WITH me, then please voice what you want! We are partners and, just like in relationships, a successful partnership can not exist without communication. Voice how you want to go about things. Otherwise, I have no choice but to make the decisions. A project can’t move forward without choices being made. Without a strong team. Maybe there weren’t people on the team pulling their weight so I was forced into taking on extra responsibilities that overwhelmed me a little bit. But let us not forget that I once spent so much time believing in you and doing everything I could to help your creation grow. I don’t join something that I’m not excited about. Remember? Remember when I supported you and included you in things that would show off what you do well in front of other people? Remember when I took your seed of an idea and helped you put some water on it? Don’t cast me aside, abandon me and run off and do this with other people without telling me the real reasons why. I deserve at least that, right? After having put so much faith and support into it before. We were a team. We had faith in each other. Now where is your faith in me?

Look, I know I can seem bossy and controlling and I know that I can be difficult at times, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t do anything without OTHER people in mind benefiting from it. Whether it’s the musical, or Basement View, Unknown Artists, or Play Club, the amount of work that I put into these things is NEVER just for me. It’s ALWAYS for all of us. I’d hate it if ANYONE felt otherwise.

I may have a goal and a specific plan to reach that goal. YES, I get a little thrown off when people who are involved in these plans want to change them. But that’s cause I’m a human being, not a robot. When I have put in a lot of WORK and TIME on a specific plan, of course it’s not gonna be 100% easy for me to just DO something different but I’m not Hitler. I’m not a monster. Come and talk to me. Let’s sit down and come up with an idea that we’re BOTH excited about if you want to use whatever “resources” that I have spent time cultivating. But when we agree on something… don’t abandon it. I don’t like to feel like the one doing the most work on something that ISN’T solely mine. That’s not a partnership. That’s not a collaboration. I can’t be the only one doing EVERYTHING, or MOSTLY EVERYTHING to move the baby along.

Nobody ever HAS to do something that they don’t want to do when it comes to a project I’m leading and one of the things that breaks my heart is when, at the end of something, I find out someone wasn’t happy with the process. If you don’t open up and tell me what you want to do differently, or tell me what you don’t like or tell me that you don’t want to be a part of it, then I’m kind of shit out of luck. I may not agree with you or we may butt heads… but I’m still a good communicator. I’m not a mind reader. I can’t do what EVERYONE wants to do if no one is voicing what they actually want.

I love getting excited about projects. If there’s a project you’re excited about and you want a strong team, talk to me about it. If it’s a project you know that I’d like to be a part of, tell me what you want me to do exactly. Again, where is your faith in me?

And for those i love who spew out awesome idea after awesome idea and don’t do anything about it… I will continue to be there for you and be supportive of your ideas… but I will not work my ass off for them unless you sit down with me and we’re a TEAM on it. It’s YOUR project. You have to do exactly the same or MORE of the work involved. If you want to be partners… I will work as hard as I would on my own sh*t and I will work WITH you. But be a f*cking partner.

Seriously, where is your faith in me?

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