11 Apr

Happiness is a disturbing movie starring an all “star” cast of Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jane Adams, Jon Lovits, Dylan Baker and Laura Flynn Boyle. It’s about a bunch of people who are actually pretty unhappy.

I’d like to talk about ACTUAL happiness because it’s hit me like a mack truck in the last few days. I think…. I think I might be happy. NOw why can’t I enjoy it? Why can’t I just sit back and enjoy the ride like normal people? Why do I have to look at all situations that put a wide smile on my face and ruminate on when the expiration date might be. That is what we call FEAR OF THE PAST. I have just been through the happiness to depression ringer too many times and I’m really worried about this one because it’s like one of the mirages that look so real it MIGHT in fact be real! But the last time I grabbed that cold, delicious looking coke, it turned into a bunch of dry sand in my hands. 

“you know what? I deserve it! [ turns to his mirror ] Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! “  – Stuart Smalley.

It’s easier said than done though. It really is. How can one just throw caution to the wind and jump in with both feet first. Oh, right… that whole… my heart was destroyed once, twice, thrice before. Right… okay… maybe that has something to do with it.  Maybe I just forget that everything that’s happening right now is normal and wonderful and I should see it as such instead of allowing the glass is half empty, that’s been following me around pretty much my entire life, define what all of this is. Maybe I should remember that it’s normal to go to the toilet before I pee my pants…. wait… what?

Please don’t let this bite me in the ass. Happiness.


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