BALLS TO THE WALL

18 Feb

I’d like to talk about Alcohol for a second.

I’ve always prided myself on someone who doesn’t NEED alcohol. I don’t have a SUBSTANCE abuse problem, I have an addiction to PEOPLE. (weed free since September 8th) I come from a long line of alcoholics, some more friendlier than others… but I’ve never felt a craving or an itch for the drink and I think that drives several members in my family crazy. My partying days have gone down significantly and unless I’ve made a trip to Cosco for a 24 pack that’s gonna last me 2 months, I RARELY drink at home. When I DO make the decision to drink… I’m usually going balls to the wall. My friends who know me best, know that if I’m meeting you after 9:30pm for “a drink” I’m probably going balls to the wall.

Alcohol ends up making decisions for you. You can go into an evening with a clear idea of how things will end up knowing, ALWAYS, in the back of your mind there’s the “what if things go in a DIFFERENT direction?” You know you’re drinking so you owe it to yourself to be prepared for ALL Scenarios. (with the exception of bringing a hunting knife for a ‘just in case’.) Booze removes inhibitions that tell you “NO” or “STOP”. The White Russian says “Okay… now be smart here…” then the 3 Gin and tonics you follow that White Russian with start to make the word “Smart” look a little blurry. Then when you top it off with two glasses of wine and a glass of Vodka and soda… you’re pretty much done making any decisions at all. I don’t know at what point in the evening you decide that MIXING alcoholic beverages will ‘make everything okay’. Then you end up looking at your decisions in a toilet at 2:00 in the morning.

Choices. You make good ones and you make bad ones. Sure. But what about when you make BAD choices knowing that they’re bad. I always tell people, when they leave the room “Make good choices” and I 80% mean that. The other 20% is for comedic effect. When I tell myself to make good choices before heading out the door I have  to remember that  there’s a difference between the ones that are “damaging” to the ones that are simply of “bad sense.” How will I feel in a couple of days after making this decision? Will the repercussions be unfathomable or will I just merely smack myself on the head and go about my day. I’d like to think that I’ve learned a lot in my 27 years on this planet. There were a few years in there where we took some “Backwards” steps. But the thing about alcohol is.. I finally KNOW what it’s gonna do. I know after three glasses of anything that I need a glass of water and i know that I’m going to want to “make bad choices” after three drinks and flipping a coin is not the ANSWER to this dilemma. These are things I’ve learned. I just need to get mature enough to APPLY said knowledge. Well, I’ve got 2 1/2 more years before “a couple days after these decisions” makes me regret acting “young”. But I am thankful that I don’t consciously make damaging choices anymore. Just choices that leave me with a red mark on my forehead. 

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