12 Sep

I spent today crying. From beginning to end. First it was the bleach all over my bathroom floor and then it was the September 11th documentary I taped this morning.
 The images and the sound mixed with the disappointing updates and tears spread throughout the city ten years ago today. I remember being in my apartment in California with a busy signal stuck to my ear for hours, wondering if my family and friends were okay. Wondering if anything would ever be okay. Watching it today, just brought all those horrific memories back and the thing about it is, the never really left. Anyone. Being 10 years older and watching it all… it’s amazing the different perspective you have on it all. How differently it sits on your heart and on your mind and in your stomach. I cried. A lot and back then, while I did cry a lot… I refused to let it settle for so long so there was just this ongoing sense of numbness.

Then I moved down my DVR to a recording of “127 Hours” starring James Franco.
 Now, I remember wanting to see this movie when it had come out, but being distracted by something… probably a big, red, bouncy ball. Or the King’s Speech… This movie had me trapped for 2 hours. My eyes glued to the screen awaiting that much talked about amputation scene and… it held up to it’s hype. With my hands pressed, framing my face, I watched as the character of Aaron removed himself from his arm and there was a lot of “Okay… Alright’s…” coming from my mouth at a high volume. Lots of heavy breathing too. Franco’s performance was spot on. I almost felt like I was watching the video Aaron had recorded live of the incident. I cried here too. I know I would absolutely not have the strength to cut off my own arm if in that situation… what that man went through to get out, get married and have his child is nothing short of heroic.

Took a break to scrub around the toilet bowl, sink and counter and fully realized that I needed something up beat. I had recorded Megamind earlier that day (not sure why), but there it was on my DVR, waiting for me. So… I obliged.
 I didn’t hate it. To be honest, the character of Megamind really had his touching moments. HE reminded me of Dr. Horrible. SPOILER ALERT: in the moment where Tina Fey’s large hipped cartoon character  asks him how he could ever think that she would be with him, the expression on his poor, little animated face really made my eyes well up. At this point I was annoyed. Can’t seem to get away from the emotions that are pouring out of me. At least I’m getting them out now rather than at work tomorrow. However… I’m sure I’ll cry a few times there too.


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