PANTS ON FIRE!

18 Apr

I keep thinking about lies. I used to tell a lot of them when i was a kid as a result of my parents divorce (I’m assuming. can’t we chalk up all ‘odd childhood behavior’ to that of a parents divorce? That only covers me from age 11 on though…) I’d lie about harmless things like “My uncle is Willy Wonka!” and “My dad’s best friends with mike Myers from SNL!” When is it okay to lie? Is it ever okay to lie? What if you’re trying to spare someone’s feelings? Surely there are other ways we can protect those we care about even with the truth!
By Pam Quinn

  1. You see your friend in a terrible show and they were terrible. “You did a great job!” Sure, you don’t want them to feel badly about something they’ve worked so hard on. But you also don’t want to lose your credibility as someone who’s opinion is trusted. I always like to say something like “The sets were incredible!” This way their feelings are in tact from your honest opinion and hopefully you didn’t just see your friend in a production of OUR TOWN. If the sets weren’t incredible you can say “You were so focused! How do you memorize all those lines?!?”
  2. “What a beautiful baby!” It’s tough when you have to say that to an ugly baby. Maybe you could say: “It’s amazing they just don’t know what they’re in for, right?” And then share a laugh with the ugly parent.
  3. “We should definitely do this again” – But you don’t want to. he spent the entire date staring at your breasts and not noticing all the pasta sauce on his chin. It’s best to check your phone quick, look annoyed and say “I should head back. Get home safe, okay?” This is definitely the hardest category, cause no matter what, they’re gonna be disappointed. Maybe honesty is the best policy. “Hey, you’ve got pasta sauce all over your chin and my boobs don’t show this weeks episode of Game of Thrones. I gotta go. Maybe get home safe.”
  4. “I love you too” – If you just can’t say that and have it be true, just start kissing the person or say “Ditto”. Ditto is a word used in the movie GHOST to avoid having to say “I love you too”. #don’tignorethatmoviesteachusthings.
  5. “It was delicious!” – But really you figured half way through the first bite that this must bet he food they serve in hell. You try to collect it in your napkin and excuse yourself to the bathroom. TIP: Collect a wad of the putrid meal in the corner of your mouth, fist and napkin. In the bathroom, throw it out, return tot he table and say with an enthusiastic smile “Where did you get this recipe?” I’m embarrassed that I hate like this.” Because in reality… you are.

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2 Responses to “PANTS ON FIRE!”

  1. Eddie 2011 at : #

    “Ghost” has also taught us that working in finance is a proven way to get into heaven.

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