So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way…

4 Apr

It’s nice to have a lot of friends. But quality is so much more important than quantity. Especially when it comes to who you choose to keep around you. Who you choose to spend your time with is crucial because that time really does mold you. If you surround yourself with negative people, your time becomes negative and (like dominos fallin’ all up on each other) you will inevitably become negative.

Every once in a while you have to take a moment and reassess the people in your life. What are they adding to it? Do they make you happy? Do they make you feel less than? Take a second to look at each friend of yours and ask yourself the following questions.

  1. Do they make time for you when you need them
  2. Are you happy when you hear from them
  3. Do they give you advice when you’re down.
  4. When you’re upset, do they try and make you feel better
  5. do they make you laugh
  6. Do they make you feel good about who you are
  7. How do they show you that they care about you
  8. Do they ask you about you

After answering THOSE questions, then you sometimes have to ask THESE

  1. Are they manipulative
  2. Do they make you feel Less than
  3. Are they competitive with you
  4. Do they put you down
  5. Do they give as much as they take
  6. Are they respectful toward the people YOU care about
  7. Are they fair weather friends
  8. Do they feed your insecurities about yourself

Most recently I’ve been thinking about the people I had really put an effort into who turned their back on me. I’ve been so disappointed by people who seem like they’re gonna be there for me and then it turns out they kind of used me until they found someone they want to spend ALL their time with (usually it’s a mate) . To a lot of my friends I’ve always been this constant in their lives. I’m always the single one and I’m always the one creating opportunities for them to fill their time. I’ve often been a victim in the classic case of “I have a boyfriend/fuck buddy so now I don’t really need you anymore” outcome. What do I do about it? I can’t do anything about it. But it happens ALL THE TIME.

I’m notorious for attacking people with my friendship right off the bat (which I think has made dating so difficult for me as I highlight his way to the FRIEND ZONE for fear of being rejected romantically.) I find someone that I feel a connection with and I immediately let them know that I will be there for them when they need anything. I used to do that a lot until it started biting me in the ass.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I’m always happy for my friends when they meet someone and fall in love… I just wish the majority of them were better at balancing the new relationship and the friend who was there for them before said relationship. But… when you fall for someone they become your best friend and I get that. I just, like I said, wish i could feel more secure in their balance of things.

In any event. I’ve been taking a good look at my friends these days. You have…

  • the ones who make you laugh, who make you happy, who make you feel good about you and who you have a great time with….
  • the ones who you adore that you don’t get to see as much as you’d like due to time, work, location
  • the ones who you have a good time with that you may not see that often, but it works well for you both that way
  • and then you have the friends that you kind of feel obligated to still be friends with. Who don’t necessarily have the time to make you feel good about yourself being that they’re too busy hibernating in their own little world.

I get that sometimes you can’t cut off the head of the symptom for whatever reason… you also don’t have to give them too much. I know sometimes you do cause you hope for the same amount back or for them to realize how much you gave them… but see, that’s when it hurts you. What you give to the people in your life is so special. Don’t waste it on those who don’t deserve it.  If they want it, they’ll make the effort. Those people who are only there for you when THEY need you… it’s bull shit. Friendship is not one sided. You’re better than that.

At the end of today, I think about those few that I can’t wait to see tomorrow and it makes me happy to have weeded out the ones that could give a shit. In both directions.

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