5 Mar

I keep having dreams that I’m crawling through a tunnel underneath all the Dharma hatches on LOST.
By Pam Quinn

When I push open the hatch door in my dreams it’s to relieve myself of claustrophobia from being in an underground tunnel. I’d also like to see what’s up in the hatch. Will I fall into the hatch and into the arms of a shirtless Sawyer, Jin or Desmond? Unfortunately, when I fall in these dreams, I immediately wake up in my room, in Queens, to my cat licking his balls. If I could somehow control the outcome of these falls to where I don’t wake up to Craig Jr.’s 3am ritual, this is what would most likely happen:

TheSwan THE SWAN – As Pam pushed open the “Swan” door, she fell and landed on a stage. There was an audience of several hundred people there awaiting, along with Pam, as to what was next. Suddenly, Natalie Portman runs out on the stage and pulls me into a dance that would first bring a tear to your eye and then a gasp of joy to your soul. The audience applause awakens Pam softly to the site of Craig Jr. curled up asleep dreaming of his own dance with Mila Kunis.
Blackswan TheOrchid THE ORCHID – As Pam pushed open the “Orchid” door, she fell and landed onto a bed of orchids. Suddenly dressed in a sexy negligée, she looks towards the front door of the hatch as it slowly opens. Christian Slater (circa mid 90’s) enters and, as if in slow motion, walks towards Pam. “What’s going on?” Pam asked Christian Slater.
“Did you ever see my film ‘Bed of Roses‘?” Pam nodded. “Well, this is the sequel.” With that, they made sweet, sweet love for several hours. Then Pam woke up to the site of a light snow fall out her Woodside, Queens window.

THE LOOKING GLASS: As Pam pushed open the “Looking Glass” door, she fell and landed in a chair at a very long table covered with scones, tea and a naked Johnny Depp (circa Chocolat). They made sweet, sweet love for several hours. Then Pam woke up to the episode of Saved by the Bell where Slater dates that foreign princess who keeps saying that he is a “charmer” but it sounds like “chairman”.

Images TheLampPost
THE LAMPPOST – As Pam pushed open the door to the “Lamppost”, Pam fell and landed on a curbside that felt like foam rubber. Suddenly, Tom Hanks approached her and helped her up. “Okay, so on this next line… just make sure you keep your eyes closed until he says ‘open your eyes’. You’re doin’ great though, Quinn. Best actress Playtone’s ever seen.” Pam watched Hanks run behind a camera.
It then occurred to Pam that she was on a movie set. A young kid then ran in front of the camera with a take and yelled “The Lamppost, take 2…”
Hanks yelled “Close your eyes Pam,” so she did, “…and… action!”
Pam then heard a familiar voice approach her. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Let’s go somewhere and make sweet, sweet love. For several hours.” Pam recognized the voice. “Open your eyes.”
Upon direction, Pam then opened her eyes to the sight of Armie Hammer (from 2010’s Social Network) staring deep into her eyes. They kiss and Hanks yells “Cut! That’s a wrap, people! Great day! Great Day!” Still kissing Armie Hammer, with the crew applauding wildly in the background, Pam awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. Her roommate had made breakfast.
Images-2 TheFlame
THE FLAME – As Pam pushed open the door to the “Flame” she fell and landed into a smoky room. Fire everywhere. Pam began to cough. What was happening? The other dreams had been so pleasant, she thought. Pam remembered STOP DROP AND ROLL, but could only stop… and then drop. Suddenly, through the flames, she saw an image running towards her. The image became clear… it was Josh Holloway, making his way to save Pam’s life. “I got you, freckles. I got you…” As he carried her out of the burning hatch, the two fell onto a sandy beach… and… well… you know the rest. Pam then woke up… to the site of Craig Jr…. licking his balls. But this time… Pam didn’t care. “Do what you gotta do, cat.” Pam said. And then with a whisper she repeated, “Do what you gotta do.”
I, like many others, aren’t quite ready to say “goodbye” to LOST… or stop making sweet, sweet love with attractive celebrities… or stop knowing how to dance. Until the day I am ready, I hope these dreams continue… and I hope FREDDY wins, so that I never wake up.



One Response to “DHARMA DREAMS”

  1. Eddie 2011 at : #

    Keep the dream alive, Pam.

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