I’m Dating in NYC… (1/30/11)

30 Jan

And I came across THIS profile. I emailed him saying I just wanted to meet him for character study purposes. He agreed….

THATFUCKIN’GUY’S PROFILE:

My self-summary

I’m the guy that your friends try to cockblock, but you wish they
wouldn’t.

I’m an up-front, no BS man, not an arrested adolescent boy-child. You wouldn’t find me meeting you for a date wearing sneakers and a backwards baseball cap.

I refuse to apologize to the world or feel the least bit guilty for my gender. I firmly believe that men and women are completely different on a fundamental level (on an aggregate, which says nothing about you as an individual), and that’s one of the things I love about women.

Not necessarily a man of good taste, but certainly a man who knows what tastes good.

Despite my abrasive and seemingly callous persona, I do genuinely
respect women, especially the ones who understand that when I call
you a fuckwhore and a dirty slut while we’re having sex, that these
are terms of endearment.

I live my life on the principle of non-initiation of force. I believe everyone should be free to do whatever they want as long as they harm no one else. I believe in anyone else’s right to say they’re stupid for doing it, though.

I’m from New Jersey, but I’m not very “Jersey”. I don’t own any Ed
Hardy clothing, and I’ve never fistpumped. I ain’t even lyin’, bro.

I’m not religious, I just thought it would be funny to put in “Islam and laughing about it” because it’s the only combination of answers that could result in getting murdered. I like to live on the edge.

I removed “casual sex” from my profile, but I’m probably convincable if that’s the kind of thing you’re into. I like to take things slower, and what’s a “short-term relationship” but “casual sex” in slow motion? Girls who block the latter while listing the former as something they are interested in crack me up.

‘Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,
When not to be receives reproach of being,
And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed
Not by our feeling, but by others’ seeing.
For why should others’ false adulterate eyes
Give salutation to my sportive blood?
Or on my frailties why are frailer spies,
Which in their wills count bad what I think good?
No, I am that I am, and they that level
At my abuses reckon up their own;
I may be straight, though they themselves be bevel.
By their rank thoughts my deeds must not be shown,
Unless this general evil they maintain:
All men are bad, and in their badness reign.


What I’m doing with my life

Applying evolutionary psychology to online dating. Maybe writing a book about it.
I’m really good at

The physical act of love, AKA “fucking“. Of course, everyone says that, and most of them are lying. Most of them aren’t hung like a porn star though.

Also, most of them wouldn’t be willing to do what I’ve gone through to please my partners. Yeah, it’s pierced down there, and yes, it does make a difference. You’re welcome in advance. (If you’re a baby, I can take it out until you feel braver.)

The first things people usually notice about me

The appalling things I say. My opinions are not safe for children and other sensitive beings.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I eat meat in near-raw, bloody chunks. There is no such animal as a “manly vegan”. And for Icebreaker purposes, since it would be funny:bacon.

I will not be writing a “My favorite books, movies, music, and food” section, nor will I waste time reading yours. The things you like do not define you. Seriously, long lists are tedious. Why do girls like to write them?

I spend a lot of time thinking about

You, baby. I swear.

The fnords.

On a typical Friday night I am

Still drunk from Thursday night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I think people who like riding bikes are kind of lame.
I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18-55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, activity partners, long-distance penpals
You should message me if

If we have a high match % (over 65%), then we should talk, you naughty little vixen. If we’re over 90% we should just meet and rip each other’s clothes off without even speaking. I have faith in the algorithm.

You scored RBSM – Genghis Khunt (I love strong women who know what they want), RGSM – The Playstation (obviously), or DGSM – The Dirty Little Secret (well worth the convincing) on the dating persona test. If you’ve ever thought of yourself or been described as “life dom & sex sub”. If you got either of the “kinky confident submissive” results (type M & N) on the What’s Your Sexual Style test.

You’re smart enough to have opinions about the world, and tolerant enough to handle well reasoned disagreement. Good sex is far easier to find than a good debate opponent. I’d value the latter more highly.

You’re a progressive feminist who likes to argue with men, decide you hate them, and then sleep with them anyway.

I really would like to meet a girl I genuinely dislike and sleep with her. I’m pretty tolerant though so it’s tough. Where the bitches at?

I recently joined fetlife.com, but I’m not sure if it’s for me yet. My username is thatfukinguy on there, if you want to look me up. It’s also probably the best way to see my penis if you’re too shy to ask me to send you a pic. Consider yourself forewarned.

Disclosure rewards for thorough readers:
1) I’m really 37. Yeah, so what. I’m immature as hell.
2) I live over the river in Dirty Jerz. My dog needs a yard. I usually date in Manhattan.
3) “Available” does not mean “single”. Ask me if you don’t understand.


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One Response to “I’m Dating in NYC… (1/30/11)”

  1. facebook 2011 at : #

    i love it

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